Like any mother, I cannot come upon my child’s birthday without remembering the details of that child’s day of birth and pregnancy. Today is the FOURTH anniversary of Carson’s entrance into our lives! I didn’t blog then, so I feel the right to share the abridged story. 🙂 I had an easy pregnancy physically, but a difficult one emotionally. Two of my best friends lost their precious late-term babies while I was pregnant, a fact I cannot talk or even write about without crying. I mourned their losses so intensely, felt my survivor’s guilt sharply, and experienced their love for me and my child, the recipient of a graciousness that humbles me to this day. Carson’s life will forever be linked to the lives of Baby Grace and Baby Marr in my mind, just as he is with their wonderful, healthy brothers Nate and Henry.
My labor was long and difficult. (I started contractions regularly on Tuesday night, he was born Thursday at 1pm.) I’m still glad I got the epidural, even though I puked my way through the last hours because of it. There was meconium in my water & Carson’s heartrate was dropping so often and quickly that an operating room was prepped for us in anticipation of an emergency C-section. I had to have an oxygen mask on during all the pushing, and I had 5 different tubes placed in various places in my body. Including, the strangest one, a tube to put fluid BACK INTO my uterus because he had been in there so long after my water broke. But, even after all the drama (the most anxious I’ve ever seen my husband!), Carson was born healthy and we didn’t end up needing the O.R.
There’s just no way to understand this crazy, wonderful adventure until you experience it. Having him in my life truly feels like having a part of my heart walking & talking…and moving & growing away from me little by little as the years go by.
Here is a pic of Carson yesterday. A little blurry, but as close to current as you can get. This little stinker has brought out emotions in me that I didn’t know existed! Indescribable love and mind-numbing frustration being the most keenly and often experienced! I wouldn’t trade one day with him, even the rough ones, and I can’t wait to see him grow even more. Happy birthday to my baby boy!