I’ve had the great opportunity to substitute teach both yesterday and today at my old alma mater, Faith Bible. (Side note: I wikipedia-ed “alma mater” to make sure I was spelling it right, and it literally means “nourishing mother” which, although not literally, is a somewhat appropriate term for how FBCS helped me become who I am.) ANYway. Yesterday I was in a third grade class and today I’m doing Jr. High English. What a hoot it is to be back teaching a little bit. I’ve got my app in at several different schools to sub, so you may be reading many more stories to come. I just wanted to share a few gems.

Favorite quotes from third grade:
“Teacher, I need to move seats because (insert typical boy’s name here) puts ketchup on his pizza and it’s making me gag and I might need to throw up.”
“Can I call my mom? I forgot _______________.”
“At my old school, I was the class clown. Now I’m the class magician. Here: pick a card.”
“Mrs. Tompkins, I don’t feel good. I think I need to call my mom.” (repeat approx. 8 times by different or same students.)

Favorite overheard conversation from jr. high. Please imagine these lines being said very quickly, in a high register, and with the participants jumping up and down, holding on to each other’s arms:
“We don’t have a vocab quiz today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“OHMYGOSH! And it’s FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“And my birthday’s next week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“And you look so pretty today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“And we’re both wearing green!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
(much squealing and hugging ensues)

Also this: right before class, a 7th grader in the front row whined loudly, “Uuggh! I don’t have a penculllllllll!”

I whined back, “Uugggh! I wonder what you could do about that?”

Fast-forward 30 minutes and 2 quizzes later. We are getting ready to grade the second quiz. I see he is not active, and when we make eye-contact, he says, “I didn’t have a pencil, so I couldn’t take the quizzes.”

Incredulous, I asked “You just sat there quietly for 30 minutes, didn’t do your work, and didn’t ask me or anyone else around you for a pencil?!?!”

“Wuhl,” he started, ” I did ask you and you ignored me! And I asked Mark and he didn’t have one.”

“First of all, I didn’t ignore you. I mocked you.” Just kidding I didn’t say that. I just repeated my exact words. I then informed him tactfully how ridiculous it was that he was using that as an excuse for doing nothing and made him sit in the hallway for the rest of class (with a pencil that I loaned him after I made him ask for it) doing the two quizzes. Sheesh! There wasn’t an eye-roll big enough for that one.

But a big bonus: it is Teacher Appreciation week here, and therefore I am benefitting from the appreciation with plenty of snacks (including a jamba juice and frappucino!) that really were not meant for me. Oh well! Such is life!