Oh yeah. I’m that awesome.

I think the Lord likes to keep me humble.  Just in case I get the kids to school on time two days in a row with combed hair, clean undies and  no peanut butter on their faces.  I mean, that, right there, makes me feel like World’s Best Mom. Victory!  I’m awesome! But then I have a moment that brings me back to reality.  I had a chance to make a quick dash to Target by myself this weekend– a treat!  But I was short on time and rushing.  As I pulled into a parking spot, I hopped out and remembered to lock the door of our corolla–it’s old school and you have to push the lock down before closing the door.  I did NOT, however, remember that in a standard transmission, the e-brake is not optional.  As I started walking away, my car started rolling backwards.  Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap! I squealed and panicked.  I didn’t know if I should first a) stop the car from rolling or b) unlock the car.  But I had thrown my keys into my bottomless-pit-purse!  So I was trying to stop the car by holding onto the handle.  ????  Why, Jen? Why?  The car obviously did not respond to such a weak attempt to stop it’s natural progression back into oncoming traffic, so I ran to the trunk and stopped it with my body (I knew those extra pounds would come in handy!) while I dug for the keys.  Then I RAN back to the driver’s side door, quickly unlocked it (while it was rolling some more), and dove in to pull the e-brake. Whew!  I took a moment to catch my breath and smell my pits to make sure the sudden exertion of so much energy wasn’t making me too stinky.  Had I put on deodorant that morning?  I took another sniff to try to remember. Then I sat down properly, started the car up again, and pulled forward 5 feet, so I could occupy the parking space. 

Ok, no harm done.  No one is walking by.  Oh, but hello!  There is a young couple sitting RIGHT NEXT TO ME, sipping their lattes and watching the entire scene from the comfort of their SUV.  WHY would they just be sitting there in their car in the Target parking lot?  Just to mock me, clearly. They were obviously amused.   I, of course, pretended I didn’t see them, and just to prove to them that I WILL NOT BE HUMILIATED, I picked my nose and flicked a booger on their windshield.  Ha!  I’m just kidding.  I would never do that.  But I did get a wedgie out of my bum as I walked away in their line of sight.

Aaaaaaaaaand……SCENE.