On Thursday, November 20, Quirky Pink Onesie was laid to rest, tightly wrapped in a plastic bag in the family’s outdoor garbage can. QPO was a faithful member of the 3-6 month clothing family. Although never considered a favorite because of her inexplicable whimsical drawings of baby deer and mushrooms, she was often chosen as an underlayer of sleepsacks and sweaters. The cause of death was complications from a severe poopy blowout after 2 days without a bowel movement. Although the diaper changer (an expert in her field, known to have saved at least half a dozen doomed onesies in the past month) at first thought QPO could be saved, after surveying the extensive greenish-brown damage from crotch buttons to neck seam–including widespread soiling on the sides and armpits–the scissors were brought out as a last resort.
Unfortunately, scandal surrounds QPO’s demise, as many in the 3-6 month drawer believe that label bias was involved in the decision. “This never would have happened to Long Sleeve Baby Gap!” said a source who withheld his name, but several witnesses claim he is from the Carter’s Outlet.
QPO is survived by New Robeez from Ebay and Old Navy Flowered Jeans, who were damaged in the November 20 Blowout, but not fatally. Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated.