Oh yeah. I’m THAT awesome.

I think the Lord likes to keep me humble.  Just in case I get the kids to school on time two days in a row with combed hair, clean undies and no peanut butter on their faces.  I mean, that, right there, makes me feel like World’s Best Mom. Victory!  I’m awesome! But then I have a moment that brings me back to reality.

I had a chance to make a quick dash to Target by myself this weekend– a treat!  But I was short on time and rushing.  As I pulled into a parking spot, I hopped out and remembered to lock the door of our Toyota Corolla–it’s old school and you have to push the lock down before closing the door.  I did NOT, however, remember that in a standard transmission, the emergency brake is not optional.  As I started walking away, my car started rolling backwards.  Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap! I squealed loudly and panicked.  I didn’t know if I should first a) stop the car from rolling backwards into the parking lot or b) unlock the car.  But I had thrown my keys into my bottomless-pit-purse!  So I was trying to stop the car by holding onto the handle.  ????  Why, Jen? Why?!  The car obviously did not respond to such a weak attempt to stop its natural progression back into oncoming traffic, so I ran to the trunk and stopped it with my body (I knew those extra pounds would come in handy!) while I dug for the keys.

I paused for just a minute to collect myself, then I RAN back to the driver’s side door, quickly unlocked it (while it was rolling some more), and dove in to pull the e-brake. Whew!  I took a moment to catch my breath, even though my car was protruding out into the lane enough to attract some attention.  But then I realized I was sweating, and so I had to smell my armpits to make sure the sudden exertion of so much energy wasn’t making me too stinky.  Had I put on deodorant that morning?  I took another sniff to try to remember.  Not rosey, but acceptable. Then I sat down properly, started the car up again, and pulled forward 6 feet, so I could occupy the parking space as intended.

Ok, problem solved.  No harm done.  No one is walking by.  Oh, but hello!  There is a young couple sitting RIGHT NEXT TO ME, sipping their lattes and watching the entire scene from the comfort of their SUV.  Three feet from my face. WHY would they just be sitting there in their car in the Target parking lot?  Just to mock me, clearly. They were obviously amused.   I, of course, pretended I didn’t see them, and just to prove to them that I WILL NOT BE HUMILIATED, I picked my nose and flicked a booger on their windshield.  Ha-ha!  I’m just kidding.  I would never do that.  But I did get a wedgie out of my bum as I walked away in their line of sight.

Aaaaaaaaaand……SCENE.

I’m not the only weird one.

 

 

 

1 Comment

  1. Caution: Motherly Advice Ahead….. Next time: Let the car roll. Do not attempt to stop it with your body. I know you might think that goes along with not running with a pencil, or not crossing your eyes because they might stay that way, but it really could squish you. Love, your Mom

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