The non-update update.

I’ve re-written this post twice.  This is take #3.  I needed a few hours distance to clear my head before publishing and I’m glad I did.  My first two drafts were super long and angsty, and kind of full of long descriptions of why you should feel sorry for me.   I laid out all the bad luck timing of being in the Thailand program at this time and the trifecta of unusual circumstances that have led to delays and frustrations.  So, instead of those drafts, I’ll try to summarize the facts and my feelings.  I think we all know that summarizing long stories into short stories is not my strength, so be patient with me!

Here’s the good news:
*We got a correspondence from our agency today about Asher.
*It had a picture of him that we had not seen before.
*It was a really cute picture.  (You can see it here.)  The password is my maiden name, all lower case.  If you need the password, leave a comment or email me at  But I’ll only check that email regularly for about a week after posting this, so commenting is the best way to get my attention.)
*We found out a few specific details about how his foster family managed during the flooding.  The report said that they were severely affected, but that they live in a “stilt” house, and were able to move important items and all family members to the second floor, and have continued to live there with some normalcy.  All family members are safe and doing well in their “psycho-emotional condition.”  🙂  There is flooding surrounding their home.  The report did not clarify if/when the flooding has receded, but said that HSF is in near-daily phone contact with them, and delivers supplies by boat once a week.

Here’s the frustrating news:
*We were expecting a full report (including 3-5 pictures) about Asher’s development and well being, and we received no information, other than a check box saying that he is “falling behind” in all developmental expectations. The lack of information is due to the social workers not being able to conduct their routine visits because of the severe flooding.
*The one picture we received was very low resolution (too small to print even a 4×6) and it was taken in June, with the last batch of pictures we received this fall.  This is kind of frustrating for 2 reasons.  First, it’s not any more recent than what we had seen, and also makes me feel a little frustrated knowing that they have not included all available pictures in previous reports.  Trying not to dwell on that.
* Basically, we have no specific information or pictures of Asher from the last 6 months, and it is hard to know that he has surely changed so very much in that time.  He is now 15 months old.  We were planning to see pictures from September, perhaps with him wearing or holding something we sent him after the referral in June.

Here’s the most important news that I need to focus on:
*Our son and his foster family are safe.  Hundreds of people lost their lives, thousands more lost jobs and homes in this catastrophe, so this is no small praise.

Our agency has acknowledged that many of the reports were “vague” because of the lack of ability to get the children to their doctor’s appointments and have the regular lengthy visits with the children.  The offices in the US have requested to the Thai offices that they obtain and send any new information or pictures when available, and not wait until March if possible.  (That is when we are scheduled to receive another update.)

For those who are wondering, I hesitate to even make a guess as to when we will travel to Thailand to bring Asher home.  There are 2 families who received referrals in March 2011 (we received in June) who are still waiting to get their first approval.  They have been told they “should” receive that approval on January 4th.  (Actually, they were originally told it could happen in October or November.)  If they do, they will most likely travel in mid-March.  I have no idea if that means our paperwork will be precisely 3 months behind them and we’ll travel in June, but of course we are hoping and praying that is not the case.  We are hoping the Thai adoption board is working hard to catch up on all the delays from the Nativeland tours this summer and the flooding this fall, and that we will receive our approval…soon.  That’s all I have the heart to hope for right now, because unmet expectations are going to be the death of me.

Thanks for all your support, questions, prayers, positive comments and thoughts!  It absolutely does help.


  1. Oh, I know the heartache our expectations can cause on this journey. I’m happy to know everyone is safe and really hope new pictures start to roll in over the next few weeks so we can all smile and enjoy the preciousness of our children. Asher is so handsome and I love the new/old pic of him. Thanks for keeping a balanced perspective of the good and difficult of this journey. I hope that all the Thai paperwork really speeds up in the new year and your case is just a few weeks behind instead of months. *hugs* this is a difficult place to be waiting.

  2. PRAYING FOR YOU AND WISHING I COULD HUG YOU RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!! So sorry you didn’t get more information or pictures. My heart breaks for you and how it is so hard to have such a big let down. Praying the updates come soon.

  3. Ugh. There just really aren’t words to describe how I feel reading this. I want to be able to DO something to help! I want to go get him!

    I’m so sorry for this wait and all the unknowns, but I am still trusting our Heavenly Father and His perfect timing. Even though I would selfishly like to ask him to speed things up (picture me snapping). I can say that out loud ’cause He already knows my heart. And my stubborness. 🙂

    Love you.

  4. Jen, I don’t even know where to start. First of all, you did an amazing job summarizing all of this for us. It helps me to know how to pray–Friday is Asher’s day, not to mention the many other random times the Lord has brought him and YOU to mind! Second, you are doing amazingly, especially for being 2 years into the process and with the outrageous and uncontrollable delays that make a mama want to jump on a plane and take matters into her own hands. I would be DYING for a recent photo and can completely imagine what that must feel like and then I just need to x’s it by like 1,000,000 to be in your shoes. Lastly, you ARE getting your son. He IS coming. Yes, we thought he’d be here by now or close to now–and He still could come sooner than we think–but regardless, I am believing that there is some HUGE glory at stake here for God to allow this timeline to linger. Huge GLORY Jen, Huge. Stuff we can’t wrap our minds around but is important enough for the God of the universe to not answer all our requests to have him home, like YESTERDAY. Please keep the updates coming as often as you feel like, angsty or joyful, doesn’t matter. This is a journey and we are on it WITH you!

  5. “Unmet expectations are going to be the death of me.” Ugh. I can so relate to that sentiment…and I still don’t really know what to say to make this better. I just know in all my heart that one day–when you’re on the other side of this–you’re going to look back and see God’s hand and perfect timing in all of this. In the meantime, we will keep praying 🙂

  6. After reading I just want to run and give you a long hug and hold you for a while. I know God is holding you. Beautiful what our Lord does at these hard times in our life. He is with you,loving you,comforting you and understanding the incredible love you have for your son who you long to hold. With all my heart I pray for you,Trent, and the children.

  7. I am sorry that you didn’t get a whole report with new pics. It’s a long long long time to wait! I am hoping that you will be able to find joy in the new pic you do have. I am very glad he is safe. Hugs! Mrs Young

  8. Oh Jen,

    I am so sorry you did not get new info, and I am hoping that you do not need to wait 3 more months for some!! I can totally understand your frustration. Love to you, and hoping for the best for you all and Asher. Deirdre

  9. Oh Jen,

    I am so sorry you did not get new info, and I am hoping that you do not need to wait 3 more months for some!! I can totally understand your frustration. Love to you, and hoping for the best for you all and Asher. Deirdre

  10. Jen… I’m right there with Steph… I want to go get him too!! But please know, we’re praying for you, your family and Asher! This will be a beautiful part of Asher’s story someday. And, thank you for sharing.

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