Another Carsonism

Me: Why don’t you try that again, and talk to me like a nice person.
Carson: I’m NOT A PERSON! I’m a BIG BOY!
This morning I realized I too easily get sucked into trying to rationalize with a 3 year old. This is the conversation on the way to Bible study this morning:

C: AAAA! Waaaa! [insert general freaking out] I have crumbs all over me! The rice cake made crumbs on my shirt! [insert fake and LOUD crying] Mommy, stop! Stop! STOP THE CAR!

Me: Carson, I can’t stop. I’m on the freeway.

C: Stop right now! You have to get these off me!

Me: Carson, I can’t stop right now until we are at a red light.

C: There’s a red light right there on that truck!

Me: I mean a red STOP light.

C: Wuhl, just go off right there (we were passing an exit), right there, RIGHT THERE! WHY DIDN’T YOU GO OFF RIGHT THERE!?! [more loud, fake crying]

Me: Because, Babe, that’s not the way to church!

C: YES IT IS! It IS the way to church! I SAW a red light and you need to STOP THE CAR RIGHT NOW AND GET THESE CRUMBS OFF OF ME!

We went back and forth, him scolding me everytime we passed an exit or he saw a stop light on a side street and I didn’t leave the freeway or stop in any way to fix the crumb emergency. He kept trying to explain to me that there were plenty of red lights around and for some reason, I kept trying to explain to him that I had to stay the course and NOT stop on the freeway or we’d get hurt and/or never make it to church. After this inane back and forth, he was hysterical, and I told him I needed a time-out and turned up the music and started singing to drown out the whining. I know. Mother of the year.

His latest reasoning technique is to assume that I’m misunderstanding his desires. For instance:

Me: We don’t have popsicles for breakfast.

C: YES I DO! I DO want a popsicle for breakfast! I DO! I WANT ONE!

Me: Oh, sweetheart, I’m not debating your personal longings and aspirations for a popsicle, I’m simply asserting our household directive that we do not indulge in sugary treats before consuming a nutritious meal!

I KNOW! I thought it would be a conversation-ender too, but sadly: I was mistaken.


  1. If Carson only knew that his frustrations with life make for hilarious reading for his relatives and friends. He’s freaking, you’re at the end of your rope,and we’re laughing out loud! Mom/Gma Jo Jo

  2. My friend my friend, let me tell you, it just gets more interesting….Mine just turned four and more than once, I’ve resorted to, “Because I’m the Mamma, that’s why?” and not even that will end the conversation. Just yesterday he told me, “If you open that door before I get my straw, I’ll make your head spin.” Where’d he learn that phrase you ask? Me. The day before at a birthday party he was bouncing in a bounce house and the little ones were being shoved around a bit. I told him, “You will be nice to the little kids in there or I’ll jerk you out and take you home so fast, I’ll make your head spin.”…. Just keep sharing. Misery loves company.

  3. I’m *SO* glad I’m not the only one! I see my friends’ kids, and they’re compliant and sit and don’t always obey but certainly don’t badger.every.little.thing. We should let our boys get together and try to reason things out – either they’ll debate for eternity, or they’ll plot world domination. At any rate, it would keep them entertained (for a few moments). 😀

  4. ARGH Ha Ha Ha!! Yes! I’m SO right there with you! I too have resorted to, “Because I said so.” And I make up crazy things, like “Stop squeezing your brother’s head. You’ll make it pop off.” Usually the laughter gives way to obedience. Except when it doesn’t.

  5. I am LAUGHING OUT LOUD! Mostly because I have a “debater”, and I can relate to everything you published.

    And, to piggy back on what the crafty pig said, I find the “Because I said so” line of reasoning to be quite the debate ender. 😉

  6. Oh crap I’m laughing. I’m not lauging AT you – seriously. I know what you’re talking about. I’m truly glad to know that there’s another mom who turns the music up loud enough so that she can’t hear the perpetual whining. I’ve used the ol’ “because I said so” and I’ve also used the “I hope you have 10 kids that are just like you.” Of course I said that to Jack and he’s only two. So his response was to touch my arm and say, “aw momma, you funny.”

    Nice to see that my words made an impact on him.

  7. I love that little man!

    Yeah, Jen, if you’d just start treating him like a “big boy” rather than the “person” he is NOT, then you might have more luck in dealing with him! He is a riot!

    Sometimes, as an insult, Luke will call Tatum a “human”. She gets so ticked and VERY offended!

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